Volume 9, Issue 2
By Cheryl Chase, PhD
“Smooth seas don’t make for skillful sailors.”
- Make connections—develop solid relationships with family and friends, and ask for/accept help and support from that network. For some, being active in church or community groups can provide the support they need. For others, joining a support group or getting involved in local or national organizations that stand for their cause (e.g., IDA) are most helpful. Giving and receiving help and encouragement, and making social connections, appear to be key across the lifespan, regardless of the stressors. We are social beings; people need people.
- Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems—it is important to understand that although stressful events happen, we can change how we interpret and respond to these events. Keeping the events in perspective and not letting them get bigger and more powerful than they really are is important. In some cases, a trained therapist might be needed to help with this; don’t be too ashamed or too proud to reach out and ask for the help.
- Accept that change is a part of living—certain goals might have to be modified and things might not go the way we had planned. Life can still be OK, or even better than OK. And accepting things as they are doesn’t necessarily mean we give up trying to change things; it is possible to simultaneously accept a situation while working to change it. But acceptance brings emotional peace while we are working to change it. And who doesn’t want emotional peace?
- Move toward your goals—instead of focusing on tasks and goals that seem too big or unrealistic, break larger goals into smaller, intermediate goals and work toward those. Do one thing, big or small, each day to move you closer to your goals. Even if it is just making your bed each morning, do some action that moves you closer to your ideal self.
- Take decisive actions—we tend to avoid what is causing us stress. Although there may be times we have to “put it away” for a while in order to function, in the long term we can’t continue to avoid the stressor forever. Don’t detach. Face it, and act on it. Get help if it is needed, but don’t sit passively, hoping it will go away. Avoidance just prolongs the pain.
- Look for opportunities for self-discovery—people often learn something about themselves and experience personal growth as a result of struggling with adversity. A wise teacher once reminded me, “For the high-jumper to reach her personal best, she must first crouch down and get very low.” Our lowest lows can fuel our highest highs. The key is recognizing this challenge as our curriculum to personal growth right then and there, while we are enduring it, rather than waiting for the wisdom of hindsight. If we can do that, the pain will be less overwhelming and overpowering.
- Nurture a positive view of yourself—make it a point to notice and celebrate your strengths, and work to develop confidence in your ability to solve problems. Talk kindly to yourself and avoid being overly critical of your behaviors and choices. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Be your own best friend.
- Keep things in perspective—try to consider this event or series of events in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Ask yourself, “What about this will matter in 5 or 10 years?” The answers to that question will help you gauge if your reactions are appropriate to the situation.
- Maintain a hopeful outlook—keeping an optimistic outlook allows us to expect that good things will happen in our lives, which can keep us from sinking into depression. Focus on what we want, and visualize ourselves getting it; fight the urge to catastrophize or develop a negative pattern of thinking. And avoid spending time with people or engaging with media that are overly pessimistic. Happiness is a choice, so choose it.
- Take care of yourself—pay attention to your needs and feelings and engage in activities you enjoy. Rest, reenergize, meditate, exercise regularly, participate in hobbies (even if you don’t feel like it), visit with friends, and eat healthy foods. Avoid alcohol; it makes a bad situation worse. If you are a spiritual person, plug into your spirituality even more during stressful times. If you are not, stressful times might be an opportunity for you to consider finding a spiritual life that feels right for you.
Cheryl Chase, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Independence, a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. She specializes in the diagnostic and neuropsychological assessment of various conditions impacting children, adolescents, and young adults including ADHD, pervasive developmental disorders, learning disorders, and emotional concerns. In addition to her clinical practice, Dr. Chase is also an accomplished speaker at the local and national levels, leading workshops on such timely topics as executive functioning, differentiated instruction, and creative ways to support those who struggle in school. Dr. Chase is an active member of the American Psychological Association, the International Dyslexia Association, and the Learning Disabilities Association.
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